If you haven’t been living unconscious under a rock in the middle of space for the past year and a half, you probably know that Vlad Guerrero it), or C) DUCK AND COVERRR!!!!.

Two-Strike Hitting

Let’s go inside the mind of Little Timmy. Little Timmy is making his big league debut and facing Miguel Cabrera, and he has gotten ahead of him 0-2.

“Oh, boy! I’m good at this! Ma, watch me toss this slide-piece right past him!”

Crack.

Little Timmy is sent back to AAA and spends the rest of his life distributing paint samples at Home Depot. Poor Little Timmy. He didn’t know that Cabrera has a stupid-good .849 OPS with two strikes against him this year. That would be 37th among all players, higher than the total OPS of Dustin Pedroia, Edwin Encarnacion, Adrian Gonzalez, and Matt Holliday.

Clutch Hitting

Admittedly, this does nothing to explain why Cabrera is a great hitter. I just made the mistake of looking at his clutch stats and immediately burst into laughter. They’re that good.

With runners in scoring position this season, Cabrera is hitting .525/.603/.932 for a 1.535 OPS with seven home runs and 44 RBIs. If you narrow that to two outs, he gets even better. He becomes a .591/.679/1.136 hitter with a 1.815 OPS and 20 RBIs. Dude is putting up beer-league softball stats. Granted, some of his divisional pitching foes (sorry, Minnesota) may be better suited for beer league softball at this point.

In all honesty, Miggy Pop may be one of the best hitters we have ever seen. His top five comparables (Frank Robinson, Hank Aaron, Ken Griffey, Jr., Albert Pujols and Mel Ott) are all either in the Hall of Fame or will be there eventually. As for that “Little Timmy” scenario… he’s facing Sam Deduno tonight, who just got called up from AAA. If you’re going to the game tonight/within 300 miles of the left field wall, take shelter immediately.